bad day yesterday, great start today

let me say how hard it is for me to post this...
yesterday karen woke up around 7am and right away she told me that she was going to die, that it was her day to go, and that she just knew that Jesus wanted her in heaven. i am not sure if you can imagine how that made me feel. i asked her how she knew, and she said she just knew, that the chemo wasn't working, and that God wanted her.

in the mean time karens parents and brother were already on their way here to drop off her mom to stay with us. karen and i talked about just relaxing until they arrived and then we would talk about it with them, karen agreed. she refused to get out of bed. eventually i talked her out of bed around 5pm and we waited for her family to get here...it was not a great day for me and my attitude.

now, as a little reminder karen visited her neurologist here locally, thursday. he looked over the reports from her last few blood draws and cat scan. he said that the liver count that caused duke to stop the chemo for a few days can cause toxicity in the brain that will cause a person not to think straight. we all hoped that after a few days off the chemo and on a higher dose of a steroid, she would be clearer in her thinking.

i was hoping that this would happen saturday but instead we hit rock bottom.

so, karen's parents and brother showed up around 7pm, and i think that really helped karen alot. she went to bed that night apologizing for the was she was talking, and she told her brother that she had told Jesus he would just have to wait for awhile longer.

this morning karen even wanted to try some of mom's chocolate gravy. we got up, she ate a few bites and is talking so much clearer. she really is even having a hard time remembering some of the last two weeks. i really think her liver was poisoning her brain and the chemo was making her weak. i am not sure where we go from here with the chemo, i will be talking to duke tuesday to get some things straight.

let me just say this one thing, one time...no one knows what the future holds for us or when our time is coming. i do know this about karen, she is right with God and understands that God wants her with him and that they love each other. we all want karen to be here a long, long time, and today i know karen does too. i hope everyone that reads this is as right with God as karen is or could find the love that she has in her heart.

i can not imagine what someone without God in their heart has to look forward to if this life is all there is.